FIFO lifestyle sucks. The end.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me "Oh, it must be so hard. You're super mum". I'm well aware this is said to me with the best intentions. However, dealing with my kids is the not as difficult as the rest of what comes with this lifestyle.
Having a husband who works FIFO (fly in fly out) is physically draining. As I'm alone with our three kids for three weeks at a time. Managing their lives, waking up to the baby, balancing our household, commitments and barely remembering to eat or go to the toilet (mostly with an audience).
The physical stuff I can handle, my house is run like a well oiled machine these days. But its the emotional stuff that really fucks with me. When the craziness of the day is done, the kids are asleep (FINALLY), the house is cleaned and dishwasher loaded. I sit down in my quiet house switch on the tv and get absorbed by my own loneliness. THAT'S the hard part, not having your better half next to you to share your days events with, having a laugh or just simply silently enjoying each others company. I don't want to heave at the smell of our dogs farts alone!
The telephone is my double edged sword , I rely on it to communicate with my husband multiple times a day, I rely on it for my work and the multiple FaceTime calls between us so the kids don't forget his face. I take a million photos a day and multiple video's to send so my hubby feels apart of their childhood every day. This FIFO bullshit isn't just hard on me (which brings out mummy guilt of course), it's hard on him, he constantly feels like he's missing out on their milestones. It's hard on the kids because they simply love their dad and want him apart of their daily routine and its hard on our friendships because the week he is home we have to schedule catch ups with our nearest and dearest as well as spending quality time as a family.
But as I mentioned previously, I can handle all that. This is a selfish post. My loneliness.
People believe that after almost 4 years of doing this I should be used to it. But in-fact every time he boards that plane to go to work it gets harder and harder.
I have many beautiful people in my life, I have an incredible family and support network (that includes amazing friends and neighbours). I am so grateful! But the reality is everyone has their own struggles and their own lives. I can't rely on people to hang out with me constantly nor can anyone replace my husbands presence.
I will however give some suggestions to those who are in the FIFO lifestyle, know someone who has a loved one or spouse working FIFO;
- There's nothing worse then people saying "if you need anything just let me know" MOST of those people don't give a shit. They are just saying it to fill the conversation because theres nothing else to say. I'm not saying ALL people do that but in my experience it's those that don't say anything are the ones that just show up, call or actually have a presence in your life. THOSE magnificent bastards are worth your time and worry. If you are that person, just don't fucking say it! Call your friend, or bring over wine and hang out but don't say empty meaningless words followed by meaningless promises.
- Get a hobby! Yes cliche as fuck. But as soon as I got busy with my writing, photography and exercising I started to feel a helluva better about myself. My headspace started to loosen up.
- When you have a shit day, deal with the day, get those kids to bed and have a big glass of wine and watch the most entertaining bullshit reality show thats available on your TV or streaming service. I can't tell you how many times a good pinot noir and "The real housewives" got me through a really fucked up day. Where I was on the edge of losing my mind or quite possibly running away (no I wasn't going to run away and leave my kids behind, I'm just being dramatic a hair wave and everything).
- If you know you're friend can't leave the house because she can't leave her kids alone ( if she leaves her kids alone then deal with that don't continue reading this) and you are organising a dinner with the girls or even couples. Don't assume, INVITE HER even if you know she can't make it. Trust me, theres nothing worse when everyone around you assumes and you start to feel forgotten. That feeling is fucking shit. For those who are feeling that way let you friends know most likely they have no idea or they are simply arseholes.
- STOP WITH THE FUCKING CLICHE PHRASES!!!!!!! That's one of my most hated things to listen to. It doesn't serve any purpose or make anyone feel better. Just irritating as fuck. In-fact, if you have a friend who keeps reciting cliche phrases lose them and quick!
- Be kind. A call and asking about boring mundane bullshit can make someone's day.
All I can say is, my hat goes off to FIFO women and Army Deployment wives who see no end to this lifestyle. Stick together as much as possible. Get support where you can find it and stay strong! This shit does NOT get easier no matter what everyone else on the outside assumes.
Peace.
Misfit Mum